Imposter Syndrome
I started writing this post a long time ago… sometime in the summer or early fall of 2018 as I was starting my 11 months as an Einstein Fellow. It’s still very relevant, and I still don’t have an answer. I’ve added an extra anecdote that happened near the end of my fellowship that deepened my confusion and “science imposter syndrome.”
Lately, I've been seeing a lot of debate online about what constitutes a scientist. I think one of the reasons this debate started was because there are a lot of people out there who would like to confuse others by making "scientific" statements that sound intelligent, but aren't actually based in scientific thinking. It's easy to imagine that this would be a way to both influence people who aren't willing or able to dig deeper into their claims and to muddy the waters about the dependability of scientists. Practicing pseudoscientists, if you like, who give other "scientists" a bad name. It's understandable that these kinds of insidious attacks on scientists would make them more defensive about what should or should not be called science, and therefore, who should be called a "scientist."
However, I think the debate about who or who can't be a called a scientist has consequences that go beyond labeling pseudoscientists. When we put limits on who can be a "scientist" we automatically shut down people who might have a legitimate desire to do science and lose a great deal of talent. Especially within groups that are already underrepresented in STEM. I'll offer my own story as an example.
My own identity crisis came about while registering for the March for Science in the early part of 2017. When registering, I had to check a box stating what my affiliation with science was. I hesitated. I don't remember exactly what the choices were, but I remember thinking that there wasn't a choice that seemed to fit. I do remember thinking, "I'm a science teacher... does that mean I'm a scientist?" Followed by something like this:
“If I'm not a scientist, how can I teach students science?” I tell them they are scientists all the time, because they are doing science in my class. Am I telling them wrong? Am I setting them up for failure or success? If the criteria for being a scientist is someone who actively does science, what does that mean? Do I need to work in a lab? Out in the field? Do I need an advanced degree in science? My degree was in Fisheries and Wildlife Management, with a minor in environmental science. Does that make me a scientist? I had to take a lot of science classes, practice evidence-based thinking constantly. My two Master's degrees are in Science Teaching and Education... does that make me a scientist? I had to conduct a research study, analyze data, and write a thesis for one of those degrees, but that was in educational research... am I a scientist? In my career, I have to help students design experiments, had to teach them how to analyze data, collect evidence, make claims based on that evidence and be able to defend them with reasoning... am I a scientist?”
I wasn't sure.
Since then, I spent two summer in a research lab, doing science--pipettes and all. You would think that this would make my choice of self-image easier, but I still hesitate. I still wonder if I need a PhD to call myself a scientist. Spending a couple of summer puttering around a lab... is that science? I have to give presentations, but my stuff isn't likely to be published in any journal... can I call myself a scientist? Am I just kind of a random impostor in this environment?
And here’s another episode that happened after I wrote this post…
Some time during the early part of 2019, I learned about a new program that was highlighting Women in STEM, the AAAS IF/THEN Ambassadors Program. The goal of the program and the role of the chosen ambassadors is, “… to recognize talented women STEM professionals across a variety of industries as IF/THEN® Ambassadors who will serve as high-profile role models for middle school girls.” I decided to go for it. Criteria included writing a statement about inspiring young women and providing evidence of your efforts at scientific communication and outreach. I had plenty to share, from my blog posts, to my public outreach efforts as an Einstein Fellow, to professional development workshops I’ve helped to lead, to the video lectures I recorded for my students.
Needless to say, I wasn’t chosen. While I never expected to be a shoe-in, I admit I was disappointed. I felt more dismay when I saw the list of the 125 chosen ambassadors—few of them were educators, and none of them were public school teachers. I do not begrudge the women chosen—all of them are amazing role models and extremely worthy of this award. However, I admit to feeling more than a little disappointment in IF/THEN and AAAS for not choosing at least ONE high school or middle school teacher. It certainly did not have to be me, either. I would have been happy to see any teacher recognized. (Update below).
What it brought up, again, was the same uncertainty and symptoms of imposter syndrome. Were they saying that young women shouldn’t aspire to be STEM teachers? That one couldn’t be at the top of one’s game as a STEM teacher? That a public school teacher who reaches young women daily for years isn’t someone who should be held up as an inspiration for how to move the bar on who participates in STEM? I just don’t know, and I don’t like the potential answer.
Update (8/27/2020): I just found out that one of the ambassadors is actually an MS STEM teacher and a 2020-21 Albert Einstein Fellow. That makes me feel a lot better. So glad that at least one teacher made it!
